What Goes Around

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

JC Curriculum Vitae

Jesus Christ

Address: Ephesians 1:20

Phone: Romans 10:13

My name is Jesus – The Christ. Many call me Lord. I’ve sent you my resume because I’m seeking the top management position in your heart. Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my resume.

Qualifications

· I founded the earth and established the heavens, (Proverbs 3:19)

· I formed man from the dust of the ground, (Genesis 2:7)

· I breathed into man the breath of life, (Genesis 2:7)

· I redeemed man from the curse of the law, (Galatians 3:13)

· The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me, (Galatians 3:14)

Occupational Background

· I’ve only had one employer, (Luke 2:49)

· I’ve never been tardy, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.

· My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me, (Matthew 3:15-17)

Skills / Work Experiences

· Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the broken hearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised, (Luke 4:18).

· I am a Wonderful Counselor, (Isaiah 9:6). People who listen to me shall dwell safety and shall not fear evil, (Proverbs 1:33)

· Most importantly, I have the authority, ability and power to cleanse you of your sins, (I John 1:7-9)

Educational Background

· I encompass the entire breadth and length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding, (Proverbs 2:6)

· In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge, (Colossians 2:23)

· My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a lamp unto your path, (Psalms 119:105)

· I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart, (Psalms 44:21)

Major accomplishments

· I laid my life so that you may live, (II Corinthians 5:15)

· I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind made a show of them openly, Colossians 2:15)

· I’ve miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead.

· There are many more major accomplishments, to many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot – the BIBLE. You don’t need an internet connection or computer to access my website.

References

· Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.

Now that you’ve read my resume. I am confident that I’m the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart. In summation, I will properly direct your paths, (Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life, (John 6:47). When can I start? Time is of the essence, (Hebrews 3:15)

Monday, February 23, 2009

Are You Certified?

Symptoms of a CERTIFIED SINGLE:

Mahilig kumain.
Panalo ang social life. Alam lahat ng gimikan at mall sale.
Hayok sa tulog.
Gadget-addict.
Sa cellphone, group message nang group message ng quotes.
Ngumingiti kahit nag-iisa.
Tumataba.
Porma to the max.
Mukhang happy kahit hindi naman talaga.

Symptoms of a CERTIFIED TAKEN:

Walang pera.
Mukhang ngarag at laspag.
Kuripot.
Blooming, kasi, kailangan para hindi iwan.
Walang social life kundi dyowa niya.
Boring kausap

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Colonoscopy

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain ,
"Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood ,
"Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach,"
Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs,
"because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes,
"Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum,
"Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,
the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery,
and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?

The asshole is usually in charge!!!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

A World Without Filipinos

An article in the Arab News, the leading English language newspaper in Saudi Arabia, talks about the indispensability of the Filipinos working in the Middle East.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

English Letter

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Karate Wire

This wire is wired up to do those karate stance.

Nails in the Fence

Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.
(Most importantly the last sentence)

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence Over the next next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.

He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. " A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.

They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."

YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I AM HONORED!

Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

How to Start Your Day with a Positive Outlook

1 . Open a new file in your PC .

2. Name it " Boss "

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4 . Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7. Feel better?

HAVE A NICE DAY

The Five Finger Prayer

This is beautiful - and it is surely worth making the 5 finger prayer a part of our lives.

1. Your thumb is nearest you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is, as C. S. Lewis once said, a "sweet duty."

2. The next finger is t he pointing finger. Pray for those who teach, instruct and heal. This includes teachers, doctors, and ministers. They need support and wisdom in pointing others in the right direction. Keep them in your prayers.

3. The next finger is the tallest finger. It reminds us of our leaders. Pray for the president, leaders in business and industry, and administrators. These people shape our n ation and guide public opinion. They need God's guidance.

4. The fourth finger is our ring finger. Surprising to many is the fact that this is our weakest finger, as any piano teacher will testify. It should remind us to pray for those who are weak, in trouble or in pain. They need your prayers day and night. You cannot pray too much for them.

5. And lastly comes our little finger - the smallest finger of all which is where we should place ourselves in relation to God and others. As the Bible says, "The least shall be the greatest among you." Your pinkie should remind you to pray for yourself. By the time you have prayed for the other four groups, your own needs will be put into proper perspective and you will be able to pray for yourself more effectively.