JC Curriculum Vitae

Jesus Christ

Address: Ephesians 1:20

Phone: Romans 10:13

 

My name is Jesus – The Christ.  Many call me Lord.  I’ve sent you my resume because I’m seeking the top management position in your heart.  Please consider my accomplishments  as set forth in my resume.

 

Qualifications

·         I founded the earth and established the heavens, (Proverbs 3:19)

·         I formed man from the dust of the ground, (Genesis 2:7)

·         I breathed into man the breath of life, (Genesis 2:7)

·         I redeemed man from the curse of the law, (Galatians 3:13)

·         The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me, (Galatians 3:14)

Occupational Background

·         I’ve only had one employer, (Luke 2:49)

·         I’ve never been tardy, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.

·         My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me, (Matthew 3:15-17)

Skills / Work Experiences

·         Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the broken hearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised, (Luke 4:18).

·         I am a Wonderful Counselor, (Isaiah 9:6).  People who listen to me shall dwell safety and shall not fear evil, (Proverbs 1:33)

·         Most importantly, I have the authority, ability and power to cleanse you of your sins,                    (I John 1:7-9)

Educational Background

·         I encompass the entire breadth and length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding,   (Proverbs 2:6)

·         In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge, (Colossians 2:23)

·         My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a lamp unto your path, (Psalms 119:105)

·         I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart, (Psalms 44:21)

Major accomplishments

·         I laid my life so that you may live, (II Corinthians 5:15)

·         I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind made a show of them openly, Colossians 2:15)

·         I’ve miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead.

·         There are many more major accomplishments, to many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot – the BIBLE. You don’t need an internet connection or computer to access my website.

References

·         Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.

 

Now that you’ve  read my resume. I am confident that I’m the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart.  In summation, I will properly direct your paths, (Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life, (John 6:47). When can I start? Time is of the essence, (Hebrews 3:15)

Are You Certified?

Symptoms of a CERTIFIED SINGLE:

• Mahilig kumain.
  
• Panalo ang social life. Alam lahat ng gimikan at mall sale.
  
• Hayok sa tulog.
  
• Gadget-addict.
  
• Sa cellphone, group message nang group message ng quotes.
  
• Ngumingiti kahit nag-iisa.
  
• Tumataba.
  
• Porma to the max.
  
• Mukhang happy kahit hindi naman talaga.
  

Symptoms of a CERTIFIED TAKEN:

• Walang pera.
  
• Mukhang ngarag at laspag.
  
• Kuripot.
  
• Blooming, kasi, kailangan para hindi iwan.
  
• Walang social life kundi dyowa niya.
  
• Boring kausap
  

Colonoscopy

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain ,
"Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood ,
"Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach,"
Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs,
"because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes,
"Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum,
"Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,
the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery,
and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?

The asshole is usually in charge!!!